Sex – under the surface
Our sex lives are a reflection of cultural and societal images, of the “chemistry” and feelings which bring (or don’t bring) a couple together, of our ways of communicating, and individual desires and prejudices. They confront outer patterns with our innermost ones, those governed by primitive and often entirely unconscious forces. These reasons are enough for people to be reluctant to reflect on the topic.
At the same time, sex is a very important area for many couples. Partners or husbands and wives often believe that their sex lives are a significant indicator of the health of their relationship. If sex is satisfying, it means that their relationship is working, but if it isn’t – it means that the relationship is in trouble.
At the same time, they deprive themselves of their power to change things, as they usually don’t acknowledge much of their own role in how this area of their lives is going.
A frequent belief is that sex is not something to be worked on, meaning that you don’t notice what is happening, you don’t look for the significance of what is happening, you don’t pay attention to feelings and emotions in this area, you don’t talk about it, and finally, you don’t understand or respect your limits and you’re not curious about yourself or your partner.
- it’s a very intimate area, so it means greater vulnerability,
- sexuality and sexual identity have a huge impact on self-worth,
- social taboos – it’s not okay to talk about personal difficulties or doubts in this area,
- pressure – pressure to perform, lack of satisfaction in a partner may lead to low self-worth, etc.
- fear of rejection – if I tell him/her honestly that I’m struggling (for example) then maybe he’ll find somebody “better”?
If people want to engage with this topic despite these reasons, and communicate honestly about it, this brings them much closer to each other.